you eked in when i broke- down that second time: puddling in the hollows and depressions, spreading across my edges, seeping deeply and permeating sleep. you crept, eventually, into my consciousness. handfuls of cylindrical soldiers in happy pinks and blues and yellows failed to drive you back. i allowed them to invade me, welcomed them, seeking relief and eventual rescue. the rhetoric i ingested then sat lightly on the scales; and you grinned and leaned heavy on the other end. i saw you in everything-- not quite hiding, biding your time, knowing your leaden claim would quake me. i conjured you a scheming sentience and knew that you would break me down, composting carbon basely. i recall all that i have made, and what i have left that bears my mark from this day to the next. those seeds will grow; fertility was never at issue, here. the comings and leavings this flesh has known are what made me, and what's left me unmade. with this barrier broken, bereft of all else, i leave these thoughts to you: salvage what you may.