Asswagons east in a line Asswagons into the setting sun Asswagons having children Asswagons playing the Oregon Trail Oh baby / darling I'll never be your beast of burden As long as you remember to plug me in at night Oh sugar / child Just wheel me out into the garden Walk in the rosebushes, I can fly a kite I am ashamed That it isn't my fault Though tethered to the heavy ground Tethered with wheels I'm even more tethered to this love we've found And through marriage sealed I am ashamed To make you bend down You needn't handle my joystick I can move it around just fine And you won't need to build me a ramp Uncle Sam will do that You needn't show me to your friends I can stay at home if you like And you needn't ever pretend That you're not embarrassed Because you are I would be I can't see The faces of the tall And though I'm a cripple I've got my very own stall A grand toilet, a throne of disability I look forward to my kingly shits I dearly love my kingdom Of urine and grab bars What kind of man is this He who so treasures his piss Don't you normals dare use it: It was made for disabled shit I love the way that the light catches your stomach When you wear fuzzy sweaters I love the tender way you change my socks And frankly it amazes me That you couldn't have done better I am ashamed To be an asswagon Nothing more Than a wagon of ass Une charette avec deriere A war hero A rolling cripple Shame on wheels