i had a blood apt to cancel because i knew what it would find--all those mourings swallowing bed air next to me, no need for lithium when you wake up like that. keep myself free of prescriptions in case it's you taking my blood, finding the vein with your tragic comic blankety blank white looks. prefer not to waste my doctors time, only yours-- and you see through me for free last resorts and moments and negotiations- the damned insurance policy calls me on the phone begging to pick myself off the floor- holding his hand is illegal, you are sniffing glue to keep it together-crying so bipolarized ionized salt-, baby, bring in the reinforcements. something more than a care bear Band-Aid--you just must stick to me and look like fake white skin when we talk in public. ****/ you have no policy for yourself, ****/ you ignore your daily allowances and you spend bar time eyes locked, committed to sipping straws the fetal position you crawl into bed, and it's nice, you think it's your special place ****/ but it ain't original to cry alone, and it ain't dramatic to love anymore. huh. to see your lips pursed and to the left. i bet i could catch them and swallow like a shot. -pin prick wounds-take a pulse somewhere warm as you held my hand. the red cross on your heart.