Replying to a comment on:

Just Another Reason (Free verse) by Skamper

teach me a small lesson one guaranteed to fit the rules and I will make it last a lifetime frighten your children with the world shy away from discipline 'til indulgent little bubbles burst spraying cries and tantrums round the room and find the cause in the fizzy drink they had for lunch - still - your decisions wrapped in caring/loving smiles inflicted on your cossetted ofspring whining away the hours 'til another dreary program comes on television - don't turn your weary eyes to me I already learned my lesson from the pouting look upon your face

jessicazee 22-Jun-07/12:05 AM
Just write the word "until" instaead of "'til" for greater effect..., also, not a big deal but offspring in line 12 needs a "f"... I feel like the last 3 lines deserve more? Maybe incorporate them into your very strong intro? 8




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001