I was running along the road just now Down a ruined alley of trees, When a bearded midget jumped on me And brought me to my knees. I asked what he thought he was doing He said he didn't know, Then he gave a smile and half a wink And jumped into a hole. So I carried on along my way Feeling slightly shook, When out of nowhere came along A vicious-looking rook. He eyed me up and liked his beak Got out his fork and knife, I ran and ran, he flew and flew Then went off to meet his wife. 10 minutes passed and in front of me Appeared a fiery tree, It cried in pain and said my name Then asked me round for tea. Taken aback I bit my lip And forced a weary smile, The tree he wept, fell back a step Then chased right after me. Running away from that damn old tree I tripped and fell right in the sea, Cracked my head on a fishing boat But found I still could breathe. Under the sea I saw no fish, No lobsters, crabs, just terrorists Fighting over hosepipe bans And water scarcity. Atlantis they said's been gone since Fall "Its been knocked down now its a shopping mall," No-one really cared for it, Too many tourists. It sells a wide array of goods; Camel cheese and see-through books, Monkey tails and wind-proof sails Everything you'll need. These sub-mariners I thought quite weird So I got out of there and disappeared, Found myself sat backstage Of a TV studio. The lights lit up, the camera rolled, My heart began to pound I heard Richard say to Judy, "You're not fat my dear, just round."