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Exile in New Hamshire (Free verse) by AlexandraLeaving

I'm so tired of theese days in New Hamshire And god my need for silence has been quelled It's summer but already the leaves have begun their depature from green We now have browns,reds and yellow, like the bruises of his spell. We went out today, naked bodies under the bridge Will he let me go,what will the end of this pantomine give? I see sparrows fucking At the end one kills the other So much for the climaxes He moves slowly and demands I do the same He still tells me lies of the end "just around the corner" I look for a blade so I can create my own escape He brought me here in a car made of rust which has since dissapeared to this old house which vanquished light and brought darkness If I leave here the scars of New Hamshire will follow me As will he

Shuushin 10-Jan-07/6:46 AM
oh hey, I really like the tendons of this. Sure, some typos.

If I had to change anything I'd put in more specific and interesting color words.

and a better word, or descriptive phrase (better) than "departure".

similarly - "vanquished" is iffy.

And maybe instead of the last "New Hampshire", a more specific town, or maybe a county. dunno.

Easily could be a 10 in my book.





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