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Suburban Spleen (Villanelle) by Sasha

Suburban Spleen Sleep in. It isn’t worth the yawn, The bookshelved room, the scheduled day. There are no colors in the dawn. Payroll’s too bored to note you’re gone And, since you’re bored enough to stay, Sleep in. It isn’t worth the yawn To watch the rain fall on your lawn From clouds that bleach the world away. There are no colors in the dawn. Though sunlight tries your curtain’s brawn With the nuisance of a ray, Sleep in. It isn’t worth the yawn To lose the gold and crimson drawn By your unconcious brain at play. (There are no colors in the dawn.) Dream of your crown, dear pawns. Dream on, Young hopes in your gray heads. Today There are no colors in the dawn. Sleep in. It isn’t worth the yawn.

Ranger 30-Oct-06/2:19 AM
Excellent - I've missed your villanelles. Typo line 14 - 'unconscious'. Your refrains are extremely well-worked here and keep a constant flow, which isn't easy in a vil. I also quite like the occasional extra rhyme ('on', 'pawn'). It's almost contradictory though, the bleakness contained within such a beautiful form. It seems to demand a certain eloquence of language which undermines all the boredom represented.
'With the nuisance of a ray' is the best line here.




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