Dovina27 Aug 2006

"When laughter meets like dust with wilting light" effective.

"When wedding bells no longer sound contrite" seems irrelivant to "I will have no need to bid adieu", though it's a nice line by itself.

"where honeybees and heather grew" sets a scene, but the vinyard seems to change it.

"every hour is a cobweb flecked with frost" - effective. But switching to a "rusted gateway" could maybe be "fastened to a rusty fence" or something to keep the thought going.

The "windmills" verse hold a metaphor throughout, though it sets a new scene; I think of Holland now, and move away from the vinyards.

This may be of no help, but it's some thoughts.