Replying to a comment on:

Ouija (Free verse) by creepshow

Draw you in my planchette. Ask, you shall receive I guarantee that. Place your hand on mine, Place your trust in me. Constantly dreams of violently vivisecting, Vicariously justifying every act beforehand. Let me inhale your sweet fragrance, I could smell you a mile away my dear. Innocence lost is the sweetest smell. Innocence taken is the games way. Constantly thinking about tearing away, Triumph through this dream like state. Follow me into my home, I will lead the way. One drink and you are mine, Forever and ever I own your soul divine. Constantly hoping things go away, Finally realizing there is no other way. Maybe not today, But tomorrow sounds o.k. Follow my path of innocence shed behind closed doors, Submissively and actively portraying characters not to be, Let me remove my mask, Play another role. Climaxing emotions you have stole.

rnuk 14-Aug-06/2:14 PM
If it wasn't so wordy, it could be better. I'm not saying I don't like wordy stuff; I'm a bit of a sesquipedelian myself, but the more obscure words and tangled phrases seem unnecessary and draw it dangerously close to pretention, and pretentious is a hard look to pull off well.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001