Replying to a comment on:

Diary (Free verse) by Dovina

These pages on my screen, hard-drive bits aligned with soft cerebral shadows, changeable with keystrokes, as memory with time. “probsbly right,” I read and grin, almost fix it, but then, it’s “probably” and “possibly” mixed, and let it ride, in bits and brain alike. Time, the jailer’s tool, squeezes present toward the end, And finally frees the space. Events and deeds, some never said, never read, typed tonight, fall to recording head, and sleepy eyes to bed. A musty album of decisions crafted, acts and actions that created me, not fact, but verisimilitude I’ve learned to trust.

Ranger 28-Jul-06/12:35 AM
Neat idea, needs a bit of editing in my opinion. 'Their existence/Intertwined with mine' is a little...bland, by your standards. Same with 'Time's secrets' (a bit cliched too). They don't have much of an effect.
The 'tiny hard drive space' is good for the idea of each of us being small, virtually inconsequential - as I assume that's what you mean. It needs to be a little clearer though.
Stanzas 2 and 3 are super, although 'Events and deeds/some never said' seems to go against the title; diaries aren't usually fictional.
Use of 'verisimilitude' is either genius or madness, I have yet to decide which...

'The rest, like life unlived' was good.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001