Replying to a comment on:

I Sleep (Free verse) by Sunny

I sleep to fight off yesterday’s embers, I sleep to separate one dawn from the next, I sleep as a nomad that listlessly tosses one day’s plain and settles in on another, I sleep to show the people my lovely side-my separated hair and glaring eyelids. Life remains outside, staining morning in it’s conclusions… when I sleep to dissever from reality, to discriminate from sin that divides my head into halves. I ramify from the heavy flesh, lazy and mortal, at night.

Sunny 27-Apr-06/10:14 AM

Dovina,
Thank you, thank you & more gratitude thrown your way!! You are of such help to the overall improving in my poetry, or attempts in creating true "poetry".
In regards to your comments: I did mean "dissever" could be a synynim for "sever," BUT the point of me using "dissever" was for alliteration purposes, later comes discriminate & divides...however, this was not done successfully or people would have noticed what my intentions were now wouldn't they? So, I'm revising, applying many of your knowledgable commentary, & change dissever to sever, also by your critique, I have taken out "the people" in L3S2 & taken out "at night" in the last line of the poem.
You, again, were of great help to me, which I am very grateful for :) Be on the look for yours,

~Sunny




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001