Replying to a comment on:

Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) (Free verse) by ALChemy

Oh morning girl, let your tears fall. Though mother sky and father light are engaged in such a turbulent fight I will hold you safe by day or night, through thunder and through squall, through whatever fates befall. Come, ride on my shoulders Sunshine. Let us play in the midst of the rain. Let us ride out the storm and in time Let love and smiles heal pain.

lmp 12-Apr-06/11:12 AM
pish, posh, a lot of noise on this one, wot?

(had to put in a stuff line so my post won't be out of place...)

as you know, ALChemy, i love the Sunshine poem. I do agree that this one needs a bit of tweaking, but what doesn't?
i agree that the line about wine is a bit out of place. and that the moon reference is not barely there and i would not have known it but for your explanation. however, the sunshine does ride on the shoulders of the moon, else we would scarecely see the moon from our earthbound station.
keep working on this one, please. as for the comments, take what you want and leave the rest, i say. if someone bashes your work, whatever. if they have something useful, great, otherwise ignore it.




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