Dovina10 Apr 2006

I think it’s best to avoid the “there is” construction, especially at the beginning. Try, “Red sky peers through the shutters.” Maybe you really mean “Shudders” but I find it difficult.

Also, it’s a bit wordy. Try “He nods off
to my tense afterthoughts” in S2, for example. Many phrases can be shortened and thereby made stronger.

At first his uncontrollable urge to sleep, per the title, came through, but the meaning faded til the end.