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Nightfall (Villanelle) by Niphredil

I lie beneath a darkling cedar tree The branches swaying slowly to and fro As weather-worn caresses sigh to me. The gray-cloaked sky is all that I can see, Sketching shadow contours with a pale glow. I lie beneath a darkling cedar tree. And now that it is late and I am free, I cannot bring myself to turn and go Yet weather-worn caresses sigh to me. My thoughts float up from darkness silently And all of time does not suffice; although I lie beneath a darkling cedar tree. The day grows dimmer; daylight turns to flee, And in its wake fall silent wisps of snow As weather-worn caresses sigh to me. No prayers left to say; no ardent plea, Necessity had faded long ago. So soft beneath a snowy cedar tree As weather-worn caresses sigh to me.

Ranger 19-Feb-06/2:17 AM
This is a fantastic villanelle, very well-written and extremely vivid. The only thing I would change is removing one of the 'ands' in line 7, maybe changing it to something like 'Now that it has grown late and I am free...' (a bit clumsy-sounding actually, but you get the picture).
'Weather-worn caresses'? Beautiful.




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