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The punch drunk underwriter (Free verse) by horus8

(1). [Mine, theirs, and ours] <Incest at salt creek> This boy was searching for falseness A fissure in the softness A bruise upon the peach That man had a focus on the hardness A complaint towards the calmness A sore upon his heel The woman told a lie to seal the outcome Greediness without an end A tree trunk that could never bend Her daughter bore no resemblance She carried a thickness A stitch with no incision They started together with wings lacking feathers Lots of wicker, but no leather Her name was Marianne now it's Heather Then I watched dust turn chemical As our love became a thin frightened fluid Pills grew on well-shaded branches I am now an unbalanced druid Fair-haired maidens collect the brilliance To be kept, and hidden, in hand woven baskets My siblings placed in warped pine caskets Forever tomorrow, forever tomorrow I cannot borrow against My sorrow's unworthy of trade When and how, is why they are That is the protected meaning of whom Still we choose to sit just below why You get one last try you beautiful parasite Hiding brave within the rye Slowing down my circular red flow Then it goes as I come while I come as it goes Only then do I witness how simple it is Guarding me from myself I guess that deep down inside I can't let things go. (2). [Coming of age] <Pro forma, or why girls mature faster than boys> It was as if the story had been written Before words were spoken Long meadow rolling Swaying wheat toiling Under the cover of embarrassment I smile, and sing again When gloves are not needed And your sponge holds not one germ of neutrality My friends, the dinosaurs, are all standing down My girlfriend is still sitting down While I pay the bill Fat waitress, loud gum Cheeks bloody, acid urine Twelve ground hogs running from high noon When winter's frozen feelings Share not a concern with her sprung sister Fever blister Give me the fucking money and we'll be golden Seagulls circle hungry French fries sit cold and unwanted Unsalted, my sisters hitting puberty I worry about her actions Like sad Hebrews with none to share Their informal speech Also large flightless birds Stare towards the sky in desperation A couple of eggs Between unshaven legs Does not a mother make. (3). [Before bed] <Switchback, or vilify, or shut the fuck up> When I'm calm my feelings docile Do not intrude upon my last plausible fading moment of sanctuary No heroin-e Lots of running Stories floating down from the changing canopy Her presence is missed Missed dearly I suggest lots of solitude, and a good murder mystery Hitchcock, got caught fucking Christi Agatha’s boiling her water The cock's now silent But the morning still warms a nape Nicotine is this white man's nigger wine Scrape together one last line I thought you liked me submissive Just another drunken lover Wake me when it’s over But for my slippers I just can't... Could you? Bend over. "I will be with her tonight", said the toadies Ever so kindly into my ear phoned ears and mind With her in Mexico. (4).[Sixteen lost] <Cretinism broke Narcissus, and then the straight man> I can't believe I lost the poems Those first sixteen that I wrote All so full of eager hope Or maybe kindled by the dope I ingested everyday Nothing scary just my own way Now in another's hands my poems all lay And no I don't think that's okay I pray my writings will warp and fray Oh! I'm sorry that they will not say Was there not a moth or two? Or was that me, sniffing glue Maybe hallucinating from the flu Even if deaf a cow will moo Still when content my soul is blue I feel not sorry for me and you Timid sheep graze steadily in slick grassed meadows While starving wolves race from tree to tree In drooling apprehension, I too lay waiting Watching iron-feathered deformed birds glide way up high My best friend isn't human The woman I love is a greedy mermaid with smoke in her eyes De-link me from this morbid food chain Whatever happened to the wandering three? Still struggling within the wisdom of a dry entity Why must I be the unforgiving? Why must I reconfigure the shattered spirit? Even the Holy Ghost chooses not to fill me A rogue's wishful thinking All of us are equal fragments in this exploding reality The cumbersome burden of a crushed personality Join me in this geometric climax There is no more animosity Enlist in the brotherhood Before the rancid milk pours forth From the tainted tilted breast Crude oil sharpens the dull sanded beaches And we all lavish in her lubricating splendor Surrendor to obscurantism Bury the book of the law Develop, or dine, Medusa Intruder Underwriter Love of my Life.

Bachus 7-Sep-02/4:55 PM
well z..the first part "mine, theirs etc"...sets up a metaphorical analyses of my familys self destruction...in the form of a bad acid trip spent reminiscing years later, the second part "coming of etc".. is me still on the acid thinking about my baby sister (the youngest) and how difficult it must be for her growing up with her father in jail her entire life thus far (13 years) and since i myself hadn't seen her in quite a number of years also at the time( cuz i was in the navy and traveling alot on the east coast and through out the world) so i was speculating on how she might have been evolving into a young woman without a good role model (the inscest part mentioned in the beginning has to do with my other sister closer to my age having grown up not seeing me her whole life, and being told by our mother that i was already born when she met my father <mother denied my gestation and birth> so my sister thought that we weren't siblings so when we first met in salt creek california when i was 21 and she was seventeen. she fell in love with me, and would make passes at me daily...because she truly didn't believe that i was her brother (which we were half brother and sister), in fact all of my siblings are half blood with me cuz i am my parents only child, and they each remarried four times (i have four brothers and two sisters) still thats not a very positive thing to tell a child, at any age (that you are not related when you are) i knew but she wouldn't believe me no matter how hard i tried to convince her that what she was feeling was wrong.. cuz my mom had told her that she was her first kid and i was her step son her whole life (she grew up in hawaii), and since we never really met until we were older it caused some serious shit to hit the fan, cuz i let her seduce me one night to spite my mother and reverse her lie with a little black magic...i knew my sister would eventually tell her, exposing my mothers mental wickedness and illness...served her right...except it blew my family even more beyond its already ruined levels...of madness and selfish denial coated greed..<i was just so fucking pissed that i lost control> i suffered many years with the guilt, and still do...the third part (still on a bad acid trip) is about my heroin addiction that spawned from all of this guilt and insanity "before bed" implying my years of fighting addiction and how it affected my relationship with my highschool sweetheart who i was with for five years..i told her everything and we tried to help me, but i just hated myself to much for even her love to save me..and the last part "sixteen lost" (still tripping, refer to the mention of ergot infirst part) is about when i lost my mind and my earliest writings and everything i owned, and all of my friends and family and my well being and much much more...i couldn't remember any of the poems by heart only pieces, so i collaged it all together with different titles i remembered and some lines that couldn't be forgotten..basically the marquise de sade's last supper. i did it with a basic rhyme scheme at the beginning of it....to show the immaturity and childish frustrations that were controling my decision making abilities....hatred and revenge can warp a sensitive beings better judgment and linger forever tainting...no matter...i made a mistake...i forgave myself though, and all of them too...for the sake of my future mental health...i hope that will clarify a few things for you z... sorry for being so cryptic...good afternoon, luv horus's litigator. Bachus.r




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