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Talia Eternal (Free verse) by Enkidu

Of late her temper, Flaring alike to mortal rage Is slaked by birds of down Which flutter beside her And give brief comfort The cobalt shadows cast Talia in the palest light While she disapproves the daring, Wild dance of sunny morning About her person Alone She stands alone Her eyes closed to A swift and swollen reality Robbed painfully of darkness Alas! Talia Vampiress no more

Alizarin_Crimson 19-May-05/1:43 PM
"slake" is not a good word to use there. Also, get rid of "About her person." I'd try, "About her body" or something else. And I plain just don't understand the part about being "robbed painfully of darkness" that only makes sense to a vampire. It needs a little explaining, for the rest of us.




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