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JJ’s Church (Free verse) by Dovina

Soft candles flicker through vodka while quiet voices prepare. Pastor Sheala works the pulpit serving comfort and wine. Church Administrator, Rose looks at books and over shoulders. Ushers prepare the elements for perhaps the last supper. And I, the only parishioner break substitutionary bread sip transubstantiated blood read the word and receive a blessing. Amen

richa 16-Mar-05/3:01 AM
The metaphor is too clumsy. If the setting is a bar make the setting a bar. Gently allude to the nature of a church, the wine, amen, comfort etc. There is no way in the world we can be expected to assume the elders are waiters. How about using a religious word like transubstantiation figuratively.




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