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Dreams of Neverland: Invitation to Neverland (Free verse) by TLRufener

I was wide awake that winter night, Three nights after Christmas Eve, When I sat down on my window-seat To see the wind dance through the trees. The snow-filled breeze slipped through The branches chilled and crisp, And on her breath a flower blossom; From my secret admirer, another kiss. A joyous smile came to my face As I breathed in the scent of the precious bloom; Cast from his youthful form, A shadow curiously graced my room. In the light of the moon and twinkling stars, I stepped out upon the snowless balcony. As I gazed in awe into his sparkling eyes, He stretched out a loving hand to me. “I admire your wonderful stories.” He said offering me his hand. “Please, lady, tell me more stories. Come away with me to Neverland.” His smile was very sincere As I cautiously placed my hand into his. With on look into his trusting eyes, I knew he could fulfill my every wish. Golden dust glittered down from above As a small sparkling fairy shimmed over me. “Just one happy thought,” he said. “And you can fly over the city.” It took me no time at all To find the perfect happy thing, And I slowly rose into the air As if I had magical wings. He smiled as I gave him An amazed laugh of joyous delight, And with one reassuring nod, We flew off towards the second star on the right.

jessicazee 8-Dec-04/11:10 PM
I like this enough to spend a little time with nitpicking...
A few comments: (as I read it out loud):
Line 10: omit "the scent of" - better w/out it
Line 11: Just "cast", not "casted"
Paragraph break after line 14 ..."balcony."
Line 15: "Gazed in awe" is kind of cliche-y.
Line 18: He already gave you his hand a few lines back.
Line 27: "thought" instead of "though", ok...

Sorry to analyze too much ..guess I kind of like the fantastical aspect of this poem. Like I like the movie "Willow". Or "The Neverending Story." But not the "Neverending Story Part II." That may have sucked worse than "Grease 2" with Michelle Pfeiffer.




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