Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 22:38:50 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Call upon the wrath of god on ye (Other) by Imago

Call upon the wrath of god on ye who see fit to tamper with such purity of that which once lost can not be found for such diseased ticks must be picked and squashed between ones fingers lest they spread their scurge upon that fertil ground for once the soil is soured within all fruit it bare the disease lingers no blooms we see from those deflowered call upon the wrath of god for the wrath of god is truth and it maybe the only cure call upon the wrath of god and the seed you sow may grow and bloom into something that is pure

zodiac

1-Nov-04/12:30 AM

Please, for the love of God, stop cutting and pasting internet tidbits here. Not a single one of them has helped your case at all.

Try... just TRY to understand: "he would call the wrath of God down upon them" is completely correct. The line in your poem, "Call upon the wrath of God on ye", is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. For one thing, the internet line has only one prepositional phrase, "down upon them"; yours has two, "upon", and "on ye," which combine to cause a kind of completely bumming reaction. THIS IS THE POINT WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE ALL WEEK. THIS IS MOSTLY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE FUCKING POEM.

For another thing, the internet quote has a subject, "he", which is doing the calling. Yours does not. No one knows who's doing the calling, or who is being called. THIS IS THE OTHER THING THAT'S MAINLY WRONG WITH YOUR POEM. ARE YOU THAT FUCKING DIM??!? SHEESH! GET A LIFE, BUDDY!!!!1!

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