hammer9 Sep 2004

Do not be so pathetic. It is clear what is wrong with this poem. It is long and incredibly dull due to a number of abstractions and forced almost soundless rhymes. I would be willing to bet the 'intelligent' advice from elsewhere went a little bit like this: 'oh, blue magpie, you are so talented, I love everything about this apart from the imprecision of word choice, the triteness of trying to define life in a few lines (which oh my god appear to rhyme), and its dull rambling.