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Posted Pelicans (Free verse) by Dovina
Comes a purple hue stealing away the day as a guitar slides in slowly stealing silence far away A pelican flaps in clumsily calks a massive beak manages its misdesign and settles on a post Shadows merely hint but never never tell of sadness sweetly coming deeply red and gold Peaks above still glisten brightly lit with snow this winter seaside Friday lapping waves below Thirteen awkward birds descended in a row each upon a post settled in what they know

Up the ladder: mountain creek
Down the ladder: Run Material Girl

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5881
Posted: November 4, 2005 11:34 AM PST; Last modified: November 4, 2005 11:34 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 4-Nov-05/4:54 PM | Reply
Has a nice sound to it but it leaves a lot of questions. What do you mean by "calks"? Why are pelicans there in the winter time? "sadness sweetly coming"? Why 13 birds? What's it about? My guess, getting pregnant.

I wouldn't mind a few more stanzas given it's pleasant meter.
[8] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.100.138 > ALChemy | 4-Nov-05/6:47 PM | Reply
It's a losng shot but I think she's going -calk/heel- meaning -he stows his beak, resting it on his back/under a wing. Lots of birds do this. If you think about how we "heel" our tongues or tell a dog to heel meaning stay close, I think that's what she's going for. Or maybe she's begging for a pet Capybara for Christmas. I can't be sure. The on/off rhyming bugs me. The beat, does not.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.93 | 5-Nov-05/2:13 PM | Reply
Dear everyone who cares and doesn’t,

Along the coast of LaLa Land, we sometimes watch sunset on Pacific Ocean’s horizon and a little later see coast-range peaks still glistening snow in post-sunset glow. Pelicans post themselves on posts in post-day and post wisdom like Post-It notes with cocked beaks — poor misdesigned birds.

I wrote “calks,” a misspelling of “cocks,” in what Freud would have called “penis envy” which subconsciously prevented my using the loaded “cocks.” His theory supposedly explains the envy many women feel of men's status and career opportunities — as if such feelings required a theory, especially one with such a provocative and misleading name. It makes you think of those few women who want a penis so badly they'd consider surgery to obtain one. But penis envy was never meant that way by silly Freud. Anyway, I’ve changed it to “cocks” and wait patiently for interpretations.

As for the off/on rhyming, well, I’m not as good as I once was. But once, I’m as good as I ever was, once upon a time — Wuntz. Now everybody sing along.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 5-Nov-05/2:54 PM | Reply
Very Freudian indeed:
Comes
slides in slowly
cocks a massive beak
settles on a post
sweetly coming/ deeply
Peaks/glisten
lapping/below

I can live with the on/off rhyming.
I just think it needs more info (more stanzas even) to clarify the meaning.

[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.91 > ALChemy | 6-Nov-05/5:08 PM | Reply
Yeah, maybe some lines like: Beak inserted under bushy wing.
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > Dovina | 11-Nov-05/2:40 PM | Reply
Or better:
ungainly beak,
hard, uncomfortable,
finds day’s end rest,
thrust in bush-clad crevice,
twixt wing and breast.
[n/a] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 > Dovina | 12-Nov-05/6:00 AM | Reply
Yeah baby, yeah! Grooovy.
[10] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 | 6-Nov-05/4:22 AM | Reply
Nice. Tre Cali. It's interesting that you used an ungainly creature to represent settledness. I mean that as a compliment, and see how it works, but I always think pelicans look like they're about to fall over.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.91 > zodiac | 6-Nov-05/5:09 PM | Reply
Does this mean we're not fighting anymore?
[10] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Dovina | 7-Nov-05/4:37 AM | Reply
DOVINA: The black race is the most different from the white race.

ZODIAC: No, we're still fighting.

DOVINA: Whatever, I know I'm not racist, while you think you might be racist. By my logic, you're racist and I'm not.

ZODIAC: I can't load 'Racism' so let me ask you here: Do you understand how given ANY TWO GROUPS AT ALL, one of them HAS to be superior, on average, to the other, on average, at any given thing? -=Dark_Angel=-'s right, if you don't get that, you're racist.

DOVINA: If I'm racist, I'm only racist IN FAVOR of cute blacks.

ZODIAC: That is not a plausible defence.

DOVINA: Blaaaaaaaaat.

ZODIAC: Whatever.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.89 > zodiac | 7-Nov-05/7:13 AM | Reply
You say that because you are looking at one small side issue of the arguement, ignoring 90% of what I said.
[10] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Dovina | 8-Nov-05/5:46 AM | Reply
I'm afraid the preceding comment contains all 100% of what you've said.
[n/a] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 > zodiac | 8-Nov-05/10:24 AM | Reply
Obviously not!
[10] zodiac @ 217.144.7.195 > Dovina | 9-Nov-05/6:58 AM | Reply
You're right. How could I have missed such a big part of our conversations?

DOVINA: You're getting off topic.

ZODIAC: I think that about covers it.
[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.82 > zodiac | 10-Nov-05/6:39 AM | Reply

I see now that your passion will never subside. You will clutter each and every poem, mine or not, until I give in to you and answer why I said blacks are the most different from whites, or retract it. Well ok then. I now commit to doing that, but it will take some time which I don’t have now. Perhaps this will abate the onslaught.
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