Re: white whale by ThePariahDog	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:28 PM
nice sex/hunt Ahab
Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:27 PM
dieing=dying (last stanza) in the first stanza, I think it should say "an awkward little runt" because in that stanza you are talking about yourself in 1st and 3rd person, and saying "The awkward little runt" sounds like another voice is saying it.
Re: Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:24 PM
I would separate every and day if I were you, because everyday isn't the same as every day, everyday implies boring or commonplace.
Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:20 PM
Nice, I love the last stanza. If you took out some of the complete sentences/wasted words like "that" and "the", I think it would be even better.
Re: IN THE OUTPOST OF WORDS by daggatolar	http://mulberryfairy 76.24.243.64	29-Aug-10/9:18 PM
I like it all, especially 2nd verse, but am distracted by 1st line and 11th
Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah	daggatolar 174.142.32.148	2-Aug-10/5:46 AM
I can see your pain to give out life in full richness - the greatest of all gift and to now be held down And be bound out of life itself... what a pity definition of life.... for anyone ... woman or not
Re: white whale by ThePariahDog	Dovina 68.183.220.26	1-Aug-10/5:56 PM
Some people think that Moby Dick is about a man after a whale. Im glad to see that you see more than that in it.
Re: puppy love by Freethinker1602	Dovina 68.183.220.26	1-Aug-10/5:54 PM
Its the way it goes when you feed a poor dog. He almost always goes bock to his self-pity wallow.
Re: Chasing Droplets by dinah	Dovina 68.183.220.26	1-Aug-10/5:47 PM
it seems strange that anyone, even you, could give "any gift in the world." Gifts seem more like the special traits that make each of us unique. Yet I fee the captivity of it.
Re: Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem by amanda_dcosta	Dovina 68.183.220.26	1-Aug-10/5:44 PM
Englsish tanka does not have to harness itself to 57577, but here you do it without feeling harnessed. The only exception might be that "delight" and "pleasure" are about the same.
Re: The still wheel by Caducus	amanda_dcosta 82.178.138.229	19-Jul-10/10:57 PM
Nicely written. I could see where this was going and you have the imageery done well too; but I'd rather you lose some of the unnecessary words like.... 'so she knew he was', 'she had outlived them all' and instead just give a full impact imagery in phrase form. Losing some of those unnecessary words would make it more impressive than it already is.
Re: Poemranker is Back! by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 82.178.138.229	19-Jul-10/10:39 PM
Yay indeed! :)
Re: A Reflective Window by lukehanney	Edna Sweetlove 79.74.75.101	27-Apr-10/9:34 AM
The best bit was {Pause} I think.
Re: Reunification, the Pong by http://mulberryfairy	Edna Sweetlove 79.74.75.101	27-Apr-10/9:30 AM
Surely the smells would have reminded you of your trailer park home?
Re: Flood Land, East Kentucky by zodiac	Sasha 128.135.239.69	17-Apr-10/10:29 PM
You should totally come back!!
Re: Gerry's Song by ALChemy	T. Jonathron Remp 70.253.88.71	29-Mar-10/10:08 PM
THIS MAKES MY NECK HARD *0*
Re: Gerry's Song by ALChemy	Dovina 76.175.65.32	29-Mar-10/4:54 PM
After all those voyages, rollin' on the sea, my laddie comes sailin' back to me. Was it with she or with he, he'd rather be? In India or California? No matter, long as my laddie's commin' back to me.
Re: sculpture by ThePariahDog	nypoet22 75.74.32.242	7-Mar-10/6:54 PM
neat!
Re: Day Of Reckoning by Kitch	jh99 75.252.58.205	2-Mar-10/5:00 AM
Do you read these out loud after you write them ? There are so many " forced rhymes " and clichés that it's painful to read. I would suggest that you look at the lyrics of real songs like Lennon's " Jealous Guy " and Reed's " Endlessly Jealous " to see how you can say so much with so little. Think about metaphors, symbolism, and even using catch phrases to renew this write. As it is, needs a lot of work.
Re: The Cereal Killer Blues by <{Baba^Yaga}>	jh99 75.220.45.254	28-Feb-10/7:31 AM
If I could use an eraser on the first part it would make it better.Do you have any real lyrics offereings or is this a fun game for you ?