Poemranker [Poem: The tender side.] [by darby pyn] Sun May 19 22:35:32 PDT 2024

When I channel you deliver me possession and let me be flattery for my plagiarism. I steal the sides to give texture to an empty well. your arms give a beautiful aesthetic to hollow spaces. in between the shadows of my thoughts where too many questions are gray without recollection you stay firm. my ornament of desire. you could never be a ghost in my home.

[3] Dovina @ 12.72.5.226 | 19-Jun-05/9:15 PM | Reply

Doesn't make sense.

[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > Dovina | 20-Jun-05/12:19 PM | Reply

I know my writing seems vague and without foundation
but the subject of love is so overused with the same
old clichÃ© in most poems on about it I tend to
be more abstract and less generic with my metaphors.
each person has their own interpretation and thatâs
fine. I understand what I write. if others donât
thatâs OK. I hope their are scenes, verses that catch your
eye but dissecting it to pieces for everyoneâs approval
and making it more tangible for mass opinion is bullshit.
I like your writing and appreciate all critcism.
constructive or not. I can take it. : )
I liked " unclean" allot.

[3] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 > darby pyn | 20-Jun-05/12:42 PM | Reply

OK, I'll try again, but you're dealing with a hard-nosed realist. (Glad you liked Unclean.) The first sentence is so difficult that you might want to put it later in the poem. Try starting with the third and fourth sentences because they flow well and give clues to your theme. The idea of channeling, balanced with ghost is good. The plagiarism phrase is grating and confusing.

[n/a] darby pyn @ 207.200.116.197 > Dovina | 20-Jun-05/2:37 PM | Reply

The line â let me be flattery for my plagiarismâ comes from the
phrase â Imitation is the sincerest form of flatteryâ.
what I mean is I take all the beauty the person I admire has
and when I feel bad I think of her and I feel better.
thank you for your suggestions.
darby.