Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Heaven Out Here (Free verse) by wilco
Floating around this rivers' bend, I believe I've found the meaning of life; To enjoy what God has put on Earth, and never waste a second chance. The sun is beating on my aching back, and flesh, slowly turning pink. A cooler full of ice-cold beer, and blue skies as far as the eye can see. The thunderstorm slowly moving in to remind me that I'm mortal, when I'm feeling as if I'll live forever; Floating around this rivers' bend.

Up the ladder: (Come find me)

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 50
.. 30
.. 11
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 01
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 7.6153846
Weighted score: 6.911999
Overall Rank: 216
Posted: June 1, 2004 8:23 PM PDT; Last modified: June 2, 2004 2:20 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[10] sliver @ 63.190.81.187 | 2-Jun-04/3:08 PM | Reply
Very well done. I have felt that same feeling, in almost the same circumstances. But not so eloquently.
10
[10] titan69 @ 62.31.23.28 | 2-Jun-04/3:26 PM | Reply
yes 10 from me to!
[9] horus8 @ 24.130.62.63 | 2-Jun-04/4:59 PM | Reply
Refreshed
[9] edpeterson @ 68.20.9.182 | 2-Jun-04/7:37 PM | Reply
very nice.
[n/a] electroman1979 @ 198.81.26.16 | 2-Jun-04/9:36 PM | Reply
is that what them meaninf of life is to you? sitting around getting tan with a beer? and you think thats why God put you here? how shallow
[10] daveslady @ 140.211.124.224 > electroman1979 | 3-Jun-04/11:41 AM | Reply
E- First off, learn how to spell and proof read your work before submitting it and second, did you not read the poem all the way through? If you did you would have known that it wasn't about heaven being "sitting around getting tan with a beer" it was about the surrounding that God has created and how wonderful it is to enjoy them. Think about it. To enjoy the outdoors and God'd creation is "shallow"?
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > daveslady | 3-Jun-04/3:51 PM | Reply
Proofread is one word, homesketch.
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > electroman1979 | 3-Jun-04/2:00 PM | Reply
I suppose it would have been less shallow, had I written something about how I have some huge impact on the world.

In all seriousness, I don't know why God put me here...but I'm willing to bet that you could tell me. It's just about enjoying all the beauty that is the Earth, you nincompoop.
[n/a] electroman1979 @ 198.81.26.49 > wilco | 3-Jun-04/6:53 PM | Reply
God made us to show for His goodness, and to share with us the happiness of Heaven, and all we are doing here is a little test to see how much we love Him. thats why we are here.
[n/a] god'swife @ 209.178.152.45 > electroman1979 | 3-Jun-04/7:02 PM | Reply
So far you've failed. Just read the third book of the Pentateuch.
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > god'swife | 3-Jun-04/7:32 PM | Reply
1 The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, 2 "When anyone has a swelling or a rash or a bright spot on his skin that may become an infectious skin disease, he must be brought to Aaron the priest or to one of his sons who is a priest. 3 The priest is to examine the sore on his skin, and if the hair in the sore has turned white and the sore appears to be more than skin deep, it is an infectious skin disease. When the priest examines him, he shall pronounce him ceremonially unclean. 4 If the spot on his skin is white but does not appear to be more than skin deep and the hair in it has not turned white, the priest is to put the infected person in isolation for seven days. 5 On the seventh day the priest is to examine him, and if he sees that the sore is unchanged and has not spread in the skin, he is to keep him in isolation another seven days. 6 On the seventh day the priest is to examine him again, and if the sore has faded and has not spread in the skin, the priest shall pronounce him clean; it is only a rash. The man must wash his clothes, and he will be clean. 7 But if the rash does spread in his skin after he has shown himself to the priest to be pronounced clean, he must appear before the priest again. 8 The priest is to examine him, and if the rash has spread in the skin, he shall pronounce him unclean; it is an infectious disease.
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > god'swife | 3-Jun-04/7:34 PM | Reply
9 "When anyone has an infectious skin disease, he must be brought to the priest. 10 The priest is to examine him, and if there is a white swelling in the skin that has turned the hair white and if there is raw flesh in the swelling, 11 it is a chronic skin disease and the priest shall pronounce him unclean. He is not to put him in isolation, because he is already unclean.
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > god'swife | 3-Jun-04/7:35 PM | Reply
12 "If the disease breaks out all over his skin and, so far as the priest can see, it covers all the skin of the infected person from head to foot, 13 the priest is to examine him, and if the disease has covered his whole body, he shall pronounce that person clean. Since it has all turned white, he is clean. 14 But whenever raw flesh appears on him, he will be unclean. 15 When the priest sees the raw flesh, he shall pronounce him unclean. The raw flesh is unclean; he has an infectious disease. 16 Should the raw flesh change and turn white, he must go to the priest. 17 The priest is to examine him, and if the sores have turned white, the priest shall pronounce the infected person clean; then he will be clean.
18 "When someone has a boil on his skin and it heals, 19 and in the place where the boil was, a white swelling or reddish-white spot appears, he must present himself to the priest. 20 The priest is to examine it, and if it appears to be more than skin deep and the hair in it has turned white, the priest shall pronounce him unclean. It is an infectious skin disease that has broken out where the boil was. 21 But if, when the priest examines it, there is no white hair in it and it is not more than skin deep and has faded, then the priest is to put him in isolation for seven days. 22 If it is spreading in the skin, the priest shall pronounce him unclean; it is infectious. 23 But if the spot is unchanged and has not spread, it is only a scar from the boil, and the priest shall pronounce him clean.
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > god'swife | 3-Jun-04/7:35 PM | Reply
24 "When someone has a burn on his skin and a reddish-white or white spot appears in the raw flesh of the burn, 25 the priest is to examine the spot, and if the hair in it has turned white, and it appears to be more than skin deep, it is an infectious disease that has broken out in the burn. The priest shall pronounce him unclean; it is an infectious skin disease. 26 But if the priest examines it and there is no white hair in the spot and if it is not more than skin deep and has faded, then the priest is to put him in isolation for seven days. 27 On the seventh day the priest is to examine him, and if it is spreading in the skin, the priest shall pronounce him unclean; it is an infectious skin disease. 28 If, however, the spot is unchanged and has not spread in the skin but has faded, it is a swelling from the burn, and the priest shall pronounce him clean; it is only a scar from the burn.
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > god'swife | 3-Jun-04/7:35 PM | Reply
29 "If a man or woman has a sore on the head or on the chin, 30 the priest is to examine the sore, and if it appears to be more than skin deep and the hair in it is yellow and thin, the priest shall pronounce that person unclean; it is an itch, an infectious disease of the head or chin. 31 But if, when the priest examines this kind of sore, it does not seem to be more than skin deep and there is no black hair in it, then the priest is to put the infected person in isolation for seven days. 32 On the seventh day the priest is to examine the sore, and if the itch has not spread and there is no yellow hair in it and it does not appear to be more than skin deep, 33 he must be shaved except for the diseased area, and the priest is to keep him in isolation another seven days. 34 On the seventh day the priest is to examine the itch, and if it has not spread in the skin and appears to be no more than skin deep, the priest shall pronounce him clean. He must wash his clothes, and he will be clean. 35 But if the itch does spread in the skin after he is pronounced clean, 36 the priest is to examine him, and if the itch has spread in the skin, the priest does not need to look for yellow hair; the person is unclean. 37 If, however, in his judgment it is unchanged and black hair has grown in it, the itch is healed. He is clean, and the priest shall pronounce him clean.
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > god'swife | 3-Jun-04/7:36 PM | Reply
38 "When a man or woman has white spots on the skin, 39 the priest is to examine them, and if the spots are dull white, it is a harmless rash that has broken out on the skin; that person is clean.

40 "When a man has lost his hair and is bald, he is clean. 41 If he has lost his hair from the front of his scalp and has a bald forehead, he is clean. 42 But if he has a reddish-white sore on his bald head or forehead, it is an infectious disease breaking out on his head or forehead. 43 The priest is to examine him, and if the swollen sore on his head or forehead is reddish-white like an infectious skin disease, 44 the man is diseased and is unclean. The priest shall pronounce him unclean because of the sore on his head.

45 "The person with such an infectious disease must wear torn clothes, let his hair be unkempt, [4] cover the lower part of his face and cry out, 'Unclean! Unclean!' 46 As long as he has the infection he remains unclean. He must live alone; he must live outside the camp.

- Leviticus 13
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > electroman1979 | 3-Jun-04/7:21 PM | Reply
What a bunch of crap. If this world was only meant to be a test, why would it be so colorful and full of interesting things? Why wouldn't it just be like, say, Tron?
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > electroman1979 | 3-Jun-04/7:48 PM | Reply
Ok, as I said, I bet you can tell me what my purpose here is.

First, you are the shallow one, my friend. The reason is that you presume to tell me the purpose of my own life. I don't post comments on your poems telling you that you're shallow for your beliefs.

Second, you are assuming that I'm a Christian...which I am not. So, please take your religious propaganda elsewhere and let me believe what I wish.

...and I know....i'm going to hell. Just thought I'd say it before you did. So, sit back and lambast the Muslims because of a few zealots, drink your cocoa, and have a good evening.

Thanks,

Wilco
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.126 > wilco | 4-Jun-04/4:42 AM | Reply
Whether you are a Christian or not does not affect whether or not Christianity is true. electroman1979 thinks that Christianity is true, and according to Christianity the meaning of life is the same for everyone, regardless of whether or not they believe in Jesu. So you may call electroman1979 "shallow" for saying the purpose of your life is to wander around worshipping Jesu and begging His forgiveness whenever you blunder, but He's just being consistent with Christianity. Your comment therefore amounts to an accusation that all Christians are shallow, which by your standards would be just as shallow as electroman1979's accusation that you were shallow.

You should have just said Christians are thick because they don't believe in Muslim.
[n/a] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 4-Jun-04/5:44 AM | Reply
Yawn.
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > wFraser Allonby Q.C.w | 4-Jun-04/7:00 AM | Reply
Oh, fabulous. I'm in a fucking LIBRARY!
[n/a] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 4-Jun-04/12:21 PM | Reply
That's a good point.

The only part of your statement that's wrong is that "Christians are thick because they don't believe in Muslim." It was not my intent to say that. They're thick for a lot of reasons, but this isn't one. People are free to believe what they wish, but I don't think that they should push their beliefs onto me. I don't presume to tell anyone else what to believe and I simply ask that people don't try to tell me what to believe. I realize that they believe they are doing a good thing when they do so, but that is beside the point.

Also, just to clarify (and you probably don't care), but I'm not a Muslim either.

...and Zodiac, would you like to send me a check, money order, or use paypal for my 5 dollars?


[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 > wilco | 4-Jun-04/4:59 PM | Reply
Nope.
[5] nentwined @ 64.60.192.130 | 7-Mar-05/4:36 PM | Reply
"rivers'" -> "river's"

Since you didn't capitalize the beginning of each line, it's a bit odd that you chose to after a semi-colon.

A moderate collection of images, with a point, but they don't gel for me. It's too haphazardly stacatto.
346 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001