Poemranker [Replying] Sun Nov 24 03:20:34 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

SupremeDreamer (Free verse) by Nirvana13666

A frigid look An empty bedroom Living inside a dead mind I look out and only see black I am blind to colors that bleed bright The solstice of my life is over Solitude has begun I shiver at the thought of your frigid looks Pain is a remedy for my delusion You arenât even there anymore Yet your stares turn my blood cold I wish you wanted me I wish you hadnât forgotten the way I hate I died yesterday Today itâs just my dead body wanting Wanting to feel alive again

horus8

24-Sep-03/12:28 PM

You have ass ears. Trust me, whn I say, your poem is shit an average, that's why I gave you a 7. And I was being VERY giving, and we know why don't we? Now back to your poem...
Let's deconstruct it, shall we? "I am blind to colors that bleed bright
The solstice of my life is over
Solitude has begun" Blind to colors that bleed bright? how do you know they are bleeding bright than? And what exactly do you equate your life's solstace as meaning metaphorically, because, that's a horrible analogy, really.

Also, I don't sweat, I pant.

"I wish you wanted me
I wish you hadnât forgotten the way I hate
I died yesterday
Today itâs just my dead body wanting
Wanting to feel alive again" now let's look at this for a minute? this has got to be the worst ending stanza to any poem ever. your poem is to Cliche what cliche is to reality tv. your readers must watch a lot of tv, because, just scanning your poem reminds me of sunday morning dry english muffins and a boner that takes to long to go away while all I want to do is piss, but not like a girl.

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry

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