Since that phone call yesterday I can't do a motherfucking thing, but stare and do laps around my house. Your name alone has that effect On my life without you. Checking For what? Even I don't know for certain. I can't seem to form it into a shape that I can name, or define. I have never felt like this before. And I've been through hell with, and without permission. To sum that last statement up in science fiction terms? It's like Captain Kirk proclaiming that he's lost. And Bones having no analysis to smugly offer. 17 windows secured. 4 doors locked every way available. 0 chimneys to worry about, but give me a minute and I might invent one. How long is too long to listen for noises? Which noises are real, and which are created? It doesn't matter because, I feel it. Coming on like the 5 O'clock news in a mental ward. Or rain on your only day off to fish. Darting eyes Uneasy posture Dripping palms Ringing ears Cotton mouth Anxiety saturating Predisposition disposing Telephone yanked House over cleaned Friends turned away Family sent to safer waters Public contact shunned, yet monitored. Instinctually strained like a bowl of dinner noodles. Refrigerator alphabetised All realistic priorities neglected. Completely unnerved, and as jumpy as a motion detector light On a retired couple's garage. Setting new perimeters to Joe Joe Dancer's last waltz. I am afraid of you Has it been that long? Seperation did not make my heart grow founder. It turned me into you. Searching with no good eye to close. Mother's coming home, and everyone is watching me wait For one more chance To bury this hatchet once and for all. Only time will tell me What you could never.