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I sat for an hour to watch a spider (Free verse) by Jimbo

July 26, 2003 ~ I sat for an hour to watch a spider ~ Daydreaming I suppose Staring out the window Thinking of something beautiful Suddenly something caught my eye A tiny spider dancing before my face ~ Up and down - side to side Back and forth it moved so swiftly I'd never sat to watch this before Swinging swiftly from end to end Arching its web ~ Gently draping silken threads So finely woven just barely visible The spider moved so quick It certainly had a mission Its threads to catch tonight's dinner maybe? ~ This tiny almost alien creature Building its home upon a window screen So intent on weaving its web I thought to myself just one swift breeze And it will be gone forever ~ I compared the web to a life I've known Working so diligently Caring loving and sharing Giving all that's possible Then suddenly under a small strain all can be gone ~ Thom

horus8 30-Jul-03/4:17 PM
Well there goes my last nerve. This poem is so incredibly contrived and forced it's practically comical. Some how you've succeeded in sucking the juice of my interest in one of our planets most mysteriously fascinating creatures (spiders) from my life permanently. Everyline in your poem is defining the absolute of something absolutely undefinable. Nobody needs you to tell them the fucking obvious. Every person alive has this story in one way shape or form, but my friend there is only 1 Charlotte's web and this is not it.all that you've mentioned azbove is a given we all have made that same symbolical connection. Why not dig deeper and make us earn the poetry. WHY! damnit, it pisses me off when poets turn fucking turn mutual of Omoha in monotone and black and white. And please don't be sensitive about my critic here friend. There is know need to be the best poetry is Poker not blind stud. Because, that's what you're doing here purposely showing us your cards, and my friend that only works if you are rich, and you're not, and I mean rich in the sense of 'a damn brilliant writer' Someone, that can explain the simplist and most mundane situations in the most beautiful way definable. Hemmingway, Joyce, Wolfe. The bottom line is you don't have the language to play stud poker with a spider poem buddy. That shit is sacred, and should be treated so, and I know you feel like you've done your bit and your justified on the subject, but you left out the essential magic connection between us and arachnids, and focused on the known taken for granteds. So I can only give you a 6.




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