amanda_dcosta2 Dec 2007

Hmmm... Jessina, Here are a few things I would take note of.... avoiding the 'ing' form of the words, like beginning with Sighing.

For eg. ... just a suggestion,

She sighs profoundly and saunters
Down the corridor of her chamber.
Her movement was slow
Like a weary itinerant.

Lost in a world of sheeer gloom,
She lounges restively on stairs so plume
Quivers in hoary morn
And clinches her ruddy coverlet.

There seems to be a slight conflict in tenses.... for which you have to be careful about. But, nice choice of words.