I wish I was a chav, Then, instead of wearing tweed, I'd have a tracksuit bespoken, And smoke the finest weed. I would speak to McDonald's, About a burger with fois gras, I would eat it in the centre of town, Whilst shouting out "hurrah". I would drink my daily Pimms, Directly from the bottle, I'd put a spoiler on my car, And depress the throttle. I'd turn up at the tennis club, And shout and swear a lot, When asked to leave, I'd start a fight, And depart upon my yacht. I would wear training shoes, When not even playing sport! Three ladies I'd make pregnant, And would not my spawn abort. I would have to change my name, To something fun like Wayne, I'd tattoo my body with Burberry, And holiday in Spain.