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Won’t Somebody Be My Friend (Prose Poem) by amanda_dcosta

I am alone , from far off lands I’ve walked the streets of old. I have no roof to call my own, I live out in the cold. When I was young I’d scamper ‘bout with mum and dad and sis, from place to place we’d travel on I knew no life but this. We’d go from door to door in search of food, and clothes and drink; some gave us these though not enough in sickness we did sink. Till finally, I was alone, death took us all but me. How cruel life’s face shone that day and it still seems to be. The life I lived, I shudder to think I’ve passed from year to year, with no hopes, no hugs, no love but only tears and fear. People turn and laugh at me and with their tongue abuse “Why don’t you earn your livelihood and make your self some use?” No one would offer me a job though they still thought I should. To them I was untouchable and of course, up to no good. I’ve tried my hand at shoe shine and selling papers in the street. But all that I remember is the scene of passing feet -2- And thus I lived from day to day moving about was life. Till in a land I know not which I found myself a wife. Together, somewhere, we lived sometime I had a home at last. The two of us, we made a team and time passed very fast. Fate seemed to have a hold on me as it, my wife, did take. I could not understand my plight nor meaning of life make. Into deeper despair I sank, and into sickness too. Lord, how I survived to this day, Is absurd although it’s true! I’m eighty-seven years old now. My feet and joints ache. I’ve almost lost my eye sight and my back does seem to break. I’ve lived a hard and lonely life I’ve lived off wastes and crumbs, I’ve lived trough rain and sunshine, I’ve lived in dirty slums. And all I’ve asked these many years is whether He’s above and whether He’s the One called ‘just’ and whether He is love. I do not seem to understand What life is all about. At times I’d want my life to end But then at times hope sprouts. -3- And so I live my last few days It seems to me like this, to share the story of my life and what this big world gives. I hope that my life story will inspire hearts of stone to feel the needs of others especially of those alone. I have no home or fortune I know not what is fame and when I leave this hard world back no one will know my name. Yet, there is hope that someday I will certainly find true love and joy and happiness from what I leave behind.

Ranger 2-Jun-06/11:36 AM
Wow, that was a lengthy read. I like the fundamental setup of the piece but you lose the rhythm in places and it needs to be solid throughout, because if it does, the swift flow of it will make the poem feel less epic to the reader. Stanza 1 was the best; you stuck close to the way in which an old man would tell his tales there. In stanzas 2 and 3 it gets quite abstract - talking about feelings, beliefs etc. - whereas someone talking about their life would be more likely to use events to convey emotions.
There are some lines/passages in here which are very forced; these really ought to be worked out - if you're telling a tale, keep the sentence structure pretty much identical to how it would be if you were writing this as a chunk of prose.
I'll let somebody else take over here...




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