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A Snap Shot (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta

The boat, brightly coloured, Fishing, Lay anchored and still. The distant horizon, A curtain of blue, No distinction between sea and sky. The white flaky clouds Radiated summer’s smile. The porpoises jumped gracefully, A song in their eyes and heart. The sun dived in For deeper blues and greens. The tide rose, and so did my heart. Picturesque, Captivating, Wonderstruck! I wanted time to stand still. And at that time I believe it did.

Ranger 12-May-06/12:15 PM
If you're conveying mood in this, do it with solid images - maybe the curve of the porpoises being like a smile, or something similar. The beauty of this piece is that it's one of those 'show' poems, rather than a 'tell' poem, and that always earns bonus points.
R.E. using 'the' - specificity works well here, it's just when reading aloud the repetition is very noticeable and so draws attention away from the rest of the piece. You can replace 'the' with, maybe, and adjective and still retain the directness in my view. However, it'd be worth seeing how other people read this; they might say the complete opposite to me.




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