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Good old days (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta

When she was little, a life carefree, She'd sing and dance in her home by the sea. She'd chase butterflies all day long, Singing 'Send me the pillow', her favourite song. She'd swing her arms above her head Go round in circles on the green turf. She remembers how happy she used to be In a world of her own. Gone are those days when she'd run wild and free Play I spy with friends or climb up a tree, Or jump from the branches, or slide down a wall If only she could relive it all. If only I could relive it all!

Ranger 6-Apr-06/9:12 AM
As with your last one, this leaves me longing for a little more description. The ideas are there but this is like a sketch when you want to see a watercolour.
I agree with Dovina about not changing the last line to first person; I'd also suggest losing the exclamation mark...they don't work as well in poetry as they do in prose.
You might want to give us an excerpt from 'Send me the pillow' as well, and use it as the basis for another stanza, maybe?
Very pleasant to read as it is, though.




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