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These Past Sixteen Months (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta

You'd call it hell. I choose to call it refining. Loved ones around me die, One after another, Two of them very dear to me. And then the next... Suffers from a stroke That affects his life forever. Paralyzed, Dreams shattered, Soul depressed. The list goes on. One has a tumor, Another cancer... Terminally ill is how they define her. Still further, an accident That claims a life. Nightmares, confusion and the like. We've grown. Flown out of their nest. Distance separates us In four continents. Yet... I choose to hold firm No matter the cost, To the only comfort The one on the cross... Unfathomable love Ever quenching Spirit Abiding presence! I run my race I stand my ground. Tho' storm clouds blow o'er me, I'm safe in His arms.

Caducus 6-Apr-06/8:43 AM
Plus points are for the seemingly lack of self pity and though fairly generic in word choice you have knack for narrative and characteriztions i could care about. Rangers right about the end as the ancient style of words such as o'er is like mixing chocolate with cabbage.

Title could be more fitting and just called 16 months.

I also think the four continents / one nest scenario could be milked more for poignancy.

You give me a lot of ideas from what i have read, the potential i can see but i find you could be gettin more from your writing if you second read or draft your work further.





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