zodiac3 Feb 2006

That's harder to say, and, well, we're not very brave, let's face it.

I'll go ahead and say, I don't think the quality of your haiku is very good. It's not very dense in information or original language use, which is the main challenge of haiku-writing and the measure of its success. We basically get that there are birds flying and someone wants to see them. In addition, flying and high and sky say essentially the same thing and are a tired rhyme. For an idea of what I'm talking about, here are some decent haiku I found online:

EXAMPLE #1
Old black crow perched.
A blur of smoke and silver,
the moon in his beak.

#2
Not your park pigeons,
our West-crow: buff, foul-mouthed, he
eyes my 'tato wedge.

#3
Dog knew she was mad,
cocked her head to wind’s sweet song,
her lips pursed ready.

#4
Out my window, crows
harry bald eagles from their
troves, tin, bits of string.

#5
My quiet love grows.
Late night talk about dying -
he still wants to live

You see? You get whole stories, situations, layers of subtext. That's how haikus work. It's very difficult. Even these are not especially good. Anyway, that's the idea. Hope it helps.