Replying to a comment on:

A Book's Plight (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta

This is the story about my life, Nay, not about marrying or having a wife, Well, maybe ‘bout daggers and a butcher’s knife; It’s just a plain story of my life. I’ve been a book as far as I know They used to read me a long time ago That was around the war-time before You were born and I, kept in the store. The kids would love the story I told Of the rich, the famous and bold Of castles and knights and the witches old And dungeons beneath the land so cold. There was always a mystery ‘bout me Fascinating eyes read me with glee A story from me would always be Imagined and become reality. But now, I’m tattered, old and worn In age, well sure, I have grown My pages have turned to a dull brown My countenance has a sad frown. Its ages since I have been read Or near a warm lamp by a bed To amaze the dreams of a sleepy head Oh! How I just long to be read!

ecargo 25-Jan-06/6:51 AM
Amanda D'Costa! You stick with the metaphor all the way through and obviously put time into the meter and rhyme scheme, and the story/voice is nice. Simple is good, but the endstopped rhymes are too basic (for me anyway). I like simple rhymes too, but if there isn't some interesting language/imagery for contrast, they usually fall flat.

A good example is Frost's most famous, "Nothing Gold Can Stay"--the rhymes are simple as can be, as is the meter (both of which absolutely fit the poem), but the language is so lyrical and fresh and the images so strong and original that the simple rhymes become part of the poem's strength).

Stretch a bit. You've obviously got the interest and willingness to think about what you write--now take it to the next step. Which poets do you like to read? What is it about their work that works for you? That's always a good place to start.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001