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Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) (Free verse) by cyan9

The wicked glared at the glowing drops of steel That dripped from the scarred charred anvil. Beads of tempered steel streaked through rimose veins Into crevice like crimson forks of lightning in the rain. Stepping back into the wardrobe to retreat from the storm, The wicked steel beings raped the weakling fawn. Exercising demons brought a rush to their iron brains, A relief to those who struggled through each day. Entangled in a fantasy world where each could go bezerk, Sodomising talking animals as they lay there in the dirt. Void of responsibility that let hearts fly free, Released to do their dark little things in a world, A world that does not cause us any misery. Lying in the snow beneath oak and willow While frost crawled over their burning hearts, Lying to themselves and lying to their brothers, Advising people on the problems of each other. Beauty poured down all day And they missed it as they played, Wishing for something real The alloyed creatures got back to their evil.

wilco 8-Dec-05/1:28 PM
Just because I don't get it is not necessarily a bad thing. I give more weight to a poem if I don't get it right away (Unless I don't get it because it just seriously doesn't make any sense). It shows me that the writer put some time and thought into it. These poems that people post on here that give every detail in mundane sentences get extremely old after a while (hence my commenting style). For example, id much rather read this eben though I'm not getting all of it (I get SOME of it) than some poem that goes:

I got into my car
and took a left at the bar
and went downtown
and bought a new gown.

Then I went home
and fell on the couch
and went on Poemranker
and rhymed love with above.

That's just boring and was written in 2 seconds and is on par with many, many of the posts on here.




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