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Through the channel (Free verse) by amanda_dcosta

Going from home to class and back I travel in a boat that's packed Amidst the changing tide And land stretched out on either side. The land on my right I see That's filled with butterflies and trees, Pure green grass - their scents' a wonder With sunshine brightening the land that's under. The land on my left I see With houses practically touching the sea Over-population, fights and threats Where life's real difficult - full of debts. The land on my right is calling me To come away from reality To feel the peace and serenity Of love's true identity. But the land on my left pulls me back To visualise the intense black Of what I think and do and say Calling me back to do repair. We do travel this channel daily We do see the land and trees, We do hear the cries of birds Despite life's difficulties. Yet, do we pause to meditate Upon the mystery - Of the land that's viewed both left and right Made for you and me.

zodiac 4-Dec-05/3:05 AM
I am a big fan of rhyming free verse, but think you might
(1) enjamb more, like you did well in the first three lines of the fourth stanza,
(2) not use "amidst" for something singular like "tide",
(3) scent's, not scents',
(4) tighten up your message and phrasing just a little.

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