| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Lifes work (Free verse) by richa The dumb squirrel has again
tilted the earth,
a clod-footed geranium's
ear bends to bedrock,
a boneless body
once more to be buried
up to its neck
in soil. The squirrel
looks on like a boxer,
his tiny claws
up, hiding his chin.
Up the ladder:
Tingling
Down the ladder:
Missing - You
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Posted: February 10, 2004 8:15 AM PST; Last modified: February 27, 2004 10:11 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.476812 Overall Rank: 2819 Comments:
Surreal nice.
(original)
The dumb squirrel has again tilted the earth the clod-footed geranium's ear bends to bedrock, a boneless body again to be buried up to its neck in soil. Spadework, the skies stay open.
that last bit - it's visual to be sure, but think I liked the other version?
The squirrel completely freezes the ability for me to look around and consider the setting for me, and that image is what I'm left with. If that was the intent then kudos, but its quite a departure from the previous version.
'to be' in 'once more to be buried' bothers me. I've been looking in Poet's Market at poetry reviews which specialize in minimalism, which I think is where you're headed. You might take a look at 'Indefinite Space' (wings.buffalo.edu/epc/ezines/treehome/t
Thanks for the links, I have been unable to find anything about 'Indefinite space' other than the review sited , but I have bookmarked the NHI site and will take a further look.
INDEFINITE SPACE (Specialized: style/experimental), P.O. Box 40101, Pasadena CA, 91114. Established 1992. Editor Marcia Arrieta.
Magazine Needs: Indefinite Space appears annually. Wants experimental, visual, minimalistic poetry. Does not want rhyming poetry(!) Recently published poetry by Lisa Fishman, Dan Campion, Jeffrey Little, Craig Hill, W.B. Keckler, and Rob Cook. Indefinite Space is 36 pages, digest-sized, with b&w art. Single copy: $6; subscription $10/2 issues. Sample: $6. Make checks payable to Marcia Arrieta. How to Submit: Accepts simultaneous submissions; no previously published poems. No fax, e-mail, or disk submissions. Seldom comments on rejected poems. Guidelines available for SASE. Resonds in up to 3 months. Copyright retained by poets. (Thanks to Poet's Market 2004. Another great great resource is The International Directory of Little Magazines & Small Presses, by Dustbooks - it gives more information on what each possible publisher wants.) 315 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
I did not really notice the repetition. If I find anything more major to edit, the re-edited version will use 'once more' in the sixth line.