Poemranker [Poem: So Much**coment this sucks. I want to make it better] [by Freethinker1602] Sun Nov 24 10:06:18 PST 2024

[6] zodiac @ 67.240.155.195 | 26-Jan-04/10:28 PM | Reply

Okay, I appreciate the situation you're in. Let me try to give you a suggestion without freaking you out. I get the feeling you're trying to write poetry that sounds like poetry. Do you understand what I'm saying? You might feel like it won't be poetry unless it's... well, poetic. Unless it uses a kind of diction and phrasing that is like what you imagine is in other poetry. This is bad. I'm not saying you should write stuff that looks like mine (which is really mostly bad prose with some clever slant rhymes,) but you should approach poetry writing with the idea that if you've ever ever EVER EVER EVER EVER heard a phrase used before, then you should never ever use it. Understand? Poetry is the truest form for expressing things originally, and the thing that kills it (see crystal swift and others here) is when your reader thinks you're not being original. Other people here will say it's a bad idea to read other poetry. I say go ahead, so you'll get an idea of what NOT to say - what's already been said. If you don't know what I'm talking about, start with your first line. Have you ever heard someone say that before? Yes, of course. So think of a new way to say it. And go on from there, line by line.

Step two: line breaks (ie, where you hit ENTER) in poetry aren't just for the end of phrases (which is what you have here.) Okay, they can be. But they're not usually. Change it up so some of your thoughts end in the middle of lines, so some thoughts are broken into little parts, each of which (as you get better) has a chance for having its own meaning.

Step three: PUNCTUATE. To most readers a line break isn't going to mean a period. In idea of enjambment means that it's traditional now to read through a break onto the next line (ie, 'take you from me my heart was made, etc.) Put in periods, commas, like you're writing prose. And say 'because' instead of 'cuz'.

Is that enough for a start?

[n/a] Freethinker1602 @ 68.48.30.210 > zodiac | 27-Jan-04/10:31 AM | Reply

you missed the mark of analization totally, kudos for trying. I've heard people say you mean a lot to me and all that who ha but one can only imagine that some one has said I don't know how much you mean, it is common to think this.

2. Poetry, to me, is all about writing down what you feel. It doesn't matter if you write something all ready said, because to the writer, it is personal. To me this is my personal struggle.

3. My thoughts are broken and incomplete and mixed and jumbled, hense the line break problem. Tell me how I can think in a more fluid way and my poems will becom better congealed and more concreate.

4. I almost never ever punctuate poems, ICKY.

[6] zodiac @ 67.240.192.34 > Freethinker1602 | 27-Jan-04/10:35 AM | Reply

Then (and see the famous Captain Cannibal for more) you are only writing for yourself, without concern for whether others can read, understand, or appreciate you. There are better things you could be doing with that kind of poetry, like not posting it on a public website for comment and ranking - you see?

[6] zodiac @ 67.240.192.34 > zodiac | 27-Jan-04/10:38 AM | Reply

"coment this sucks. I want to make it better" makes me think you wanted this. What was I supposed to say? Excellent cliche in line 6 - some great ambiguity in the endless run-on phrasing. Oh, wait - or was I just supposed to praise it? That's for rockmage, not me.

[n/a] Freethinker1602 @ 68.48.30.210 > zodiac | 27-Jan-04/7:12 PM | Reply

I don't want praise for something that's trash... all I wanted was for weeknesses to be pointed out which you did... No wait, where am I going with that. Let's try this approach instead, poetry is about expression of individualism.

[6] zodiac @ 67.240.192.222 > Freethinker1602 | 27-Jan-04/7:17 PM | Reply

Agreed. All I'm saying is express your individualism, not someone else's.

[6] zodiac @ 67.240.155.8 > zodiac | 27-Jan-04/7:35 PM | Reply

Also, I feel like I've come across recently as the giant flamer and jerk of the ranker, which is not what I intend. But when someone responds to an honest criticism like a sulking child, it makes me think they never intended to have their poetry critiqued (ie, ranked) in the first place - and sometimes I respond in kind. That's all. And I like a lot of the stuff here. I don't think that shows.

[n/a] Goad @ 217.82.10.207 > Freethinker1602 | 27-Jan-04/12:00 PM | Reply

No, come on are you seriously telling us you don't realize it works the other way!!!!!!!!!!!!. As you learn how to use language properly, your thoughts become more "congealed" and concrete. And more fluid, more detailed, richer, more congruent, etc. Read Mark Twain, he has somewhat to say on this subject.

I'm betting you don't punctuate pomes because you don't know how.

It doesn't matter to you if you say something already said, but it certainly matters to us, your readers. Why the fuck do you think it's ok to waste our time with bullshit we've already seen/thought/heard a bazillion times!!!!!! Do you think I come here to be reminded of the Hallmark card I got in 1977?

[n/a] Goad @ 217.82.10.207 > Freethinker1602 | 27-Jan-04/12:06 PM | Reply

"you missed the mark of analization totally, kudos for trying"

you unsufferable little twit, can you really be unaware of the fact that zodiac writes, thinks, and analyzes whole levels of levels above you? Come on.

[6] zodiac @ 67.240.155.195 | 26-Jan-04/10:33 PM | Reply

Once again, I'm the punctuation and line-break hound. I don't relish this.

[6] zodiac @ 67.240.192.34 | 27-Jan-04/10:41 AM | Reply

And even rockmage dissed it.

[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.126.116.54 | 27-Jan-04/12:05 PM | Reply

Well... that was an exploding lukewarm dildo.

[n/a] Shuushin @ 147.154.235.53 | 27-Jan-04/1:19 PM | Reply

17 lines = 17 poems yet to be made; each is title.

Its a shopping list, come back with a full bag.