Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

i'm falling for u damnit! (Free verse) by clumseYdaiseY
point your lashes down, picture my face out of frown, like a princess with a crown, i'm smiling.. part your lips with a smile, say that you'll stay for a lasting while, break my ego you know it's fragile, i'm floating.. place your arms around my waist, wrap me up and leave me with no choice, embrace my uncertainty in moist, i'm waiting.. rest your lips against mine, let the bees buzzing in line, let the birds sing merrily up at the pine, you know i'm not doing fine, i'm falling.. i'm falling for u goddamnit!dun tell me it's only a game..

Down the ladder: looking for

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00

Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7696
Posted: January 25, 2004 11:34 PM PST; Last modified: January 25, 2004 11:34 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[n/a] deleted user @ 24.222.81.233 | 26-Jan-04/10:39 AM | Reply
Is it gravy in the third part?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 | 26-Jan-04/5:31 PM | Reply
bum
[n/a] clumseYdaiseY @ 219.95.187.93 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 27-Jan-04/1:14 AM | Reply
bum?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 > clumseYdaiseY | 27-Jan-04/3:11 AM | Reply
yes
[n/a] clumseYdaiseY @ 219.95.191.153 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 29-Jan-04/8:34 PM | Reply
what's yer problem?may i guess?
[7] Freethinker1602 @ 68.48.30.210 | 26-Jan-04/8:35 PM | Reply
good job. I can empathize.
[n/a] clumseYdaiseY @ 219.95.187.93 > Freethinker1602 | 27-Jan-04/1:13 AM | Reply
Thank you.It took me a pail of sweat to hef the guts.A big appreciation! :)
[3] Joshua_Tree @ 68.230.105.101 | 18-Jun-05/8:58 PM | Reply
Most of the rhymes are forced and there are a few grammar issues. Elimate the metaphors that don't work and you might yet become an e e cummings.
231 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001