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Sandpaper reminds me of your ashes (Villanelle) by SupremeDreamer __________________________________
For my father, 1943-2002.
I couldn't say goodbye then
but today I breathe the final sigh.
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Breathe the final sigh
eat that sweet peach-
let your lips utter bye.
Try not to wonder why
my soft voices won't reach-
breathe the final sigh.
Prayers you will try;
this lesson words can't teach-
let your lips utter bye.
Please my son- do not cry.
Sprinkle me on the beach,
then breathe the final sigh.
Spread your wings and fly,
this promise I do beseech-
and let your lips utter bye.
Your love will not die;
my spirit is always in reach.
Breathe the final sigh-
let your lips utter bye.
Up the ladder:
Cabbagetown will miss you
Down the ladder:
One voice
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Posted: November 8, 2003 6:45 PM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2003 6:45 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.4610424 Overall Rank: 2885 Comments:
[n/a]
SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.175.27
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8-Nov-03/6:47 PM
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Reply
I just couldnt resist.. plus today I didn't feel like making a sonnet- I've become addicted to the vilanelle.
My title suggestion would be "Any title but that one" . Or "Whatever happened to Viking Burials".
Well, thats why i asked for help. :/
The other title wont do: He was a swimmer, and he didn't like boats.
how about " five Rhyming reasons why peach pie reminds me of your buried corpse".?
well, you gave me an idea:
What do you think about "Sand reminds me of your ashes" ?
If you make it sandpaper? You're on!
sandpaper.. damn it, you always have a foot ahead of me: sandpaper it is.
Somewhere on that beach there are spoilt peaches. Good job, A nice addition to all our lost father poems. I shall return the ten you gave me.
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