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Brighton Beach (Free verse) by Caducus
The show begins on the manufactured beach. A foul mouthed cockney chants ‘Hit the Fucker’ Children laugh as Punch hits Judy, little boys copy hitting their siblings, As his Mum slurps on a slush puppy. In the distance, Donkey’s taxi the obese, Down to the English version of Vegas. By the pier a queue forms at the ticket box, To watch the failed celebrity crack old jokes at the pier. Business is good on Brighton Beach. Odd footprints are etched in the sand, From some of the donkey’s only having front hooves. The surly itinerants keep them cool, From the spray of High powered Jet-ski’s. I used to love this place, Now black sandcastles stain children’s hands, Lots of immigrants wolf whistle the pre-pubescent, Who walk wide fingered to pretend parents. As the day ends, The council commissioned cleaners arrive in droves, Sweeping the jettison back in to the bay.

Up the ladder: Entropy
Down the ladder: Paper Bag Scenario

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.888889
Weighted score: 6.799307
Overall Rank: 413
Posted: September 24, 2003 5:39 AM PDT; Last modified: September 24, 2003 6:15 AM PDT
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Comments:
[8] ecargo @ 208.249.92.99 | 24-Sep-03/7:09 AM | Reply
I love the contrast of old and new, and you pick some great details, Caducus. Seems a little jaggedy still and could use some honing, but you've got really a really good core to work with. I really enjoyed it.
[8] Geschäftsreise @ 164.67.82.153 | 24-Sep-03/10:14 AM | Reply
Wide fingered to pretend parents. Tasty.
(I hate that place)
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 81.128.189.217 > Geschäftsreise | 24-Sep-03/10:40 AM | Reply
Today's Headlines:

WIDE FINGERED MAN OVULATES ON CABBAGE

THOUSANDS SCOFFED IN PRESCOTT HUNGER-STRIKE CALAMITY

RUMSFELD MISSING IN SURPRISE DUNG MANIFESTATION
[8] Joe-joe @ 170.28.4.4 | 24-Sep-03/10:27 AM | Reply
Sounds a lot like Brighton Beach in my home town of Brooklyn New York. Along with its neighbor, Coney Island, Brighton Beach has become a safe haven for gangs and Russian mobsters. Sad. -8-
[8] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.208.102 | 25-Sep-03/5:38 PM | Reply
last line in s-1 took a wrong turn for me. otherwise....
[9] deleted user @ 63.228.147.122 | 1-Oct-03/7:51 PM | Reply
Well worded. I like the imagery.
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