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These are not just words (Free verse) by impert&ent The moon is not a chalk mark
Against grey slate.
Brilliant tonight
As it hovers between wisps of cloud.
Words are not meant to persuade
But to convey.
The moon is not just a disc
Illuminating the night.
My companion
On the walk home through Black Patch Park.
These are not merely words
Strung together in pretty lines.
When you reduce me to my words,
Cutting away the meaning
To focus on the phrasing
The rest of me is pitched
Into darkness.
Up the ladder:
Undertow
Down the ladder:
cuts
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.3333335
Posted: September 14, 2003 6:55 PM PDT; Last modified: September 14, 2003 10:14 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.1589375 Overall Rank: 5104 Comments:
Actually, I really like the first and third (last) stanzas. I think it would stand more strongly without the second. But I really like it. :)
Thanks. Now where's that emoticon for 'I'm honored'?
well, there's always the "alms" link at the top ;) ;) ;)
but no, just using the site is good for me. :) hey, I enjoyed reading the poem. (and that's after going through a dozen 2-4's on the "recent" list (skipping the babel because I didn't have the time to unbabel it) hmm. shouldn't be here talking. should be either asleep or working on the thing I convinced myself I was going to do before sleeping. ;)
I woose more weaders that way...
I couldn't agree more with your sentiment (my babelfish poetry may entertain you if you feel this way).
However if I were to focus on your phrasing I would say that words can and are meant to persuade as well as convey. Otherwise what are salesmen? But the last stanza is gorgeous, and even more than that - it is a passionate truth.
What are salesmen? Chopped liver, perhaps?
Thanks for the comments. I'm not trying to express a truth, especially not a truth applicable in all circumstances. And I do think words convey, while arguments persuade. However, I too was less than satisfied with persuade/convey, but it works better than the alternatives I've come up with so far.
Words are not meant to persuade
But to convey... perfect synthesis. 271 view(s)
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Not sure what this means: "ending in you, still.." A sixth line at the end?