poemranker ::with no words to write by nentwined

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Free verse № 30596

with no words to write

by nentwined

Member since 2001 · Posted 17 Dec 2002 · Edited 17 Dec 2002 · 10 comments

with no words to write, I'm writing a poem a psalm of remembrance for words that once were spun wholecloth from ethers, the ethereal nothing and embroidered with thoughts I can't grasp.

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26 votes so far. Yours would make 27.26 votes so far

10 comments

[8] <~> 17-Dec-02/11:01 AM Reply
howzabout switching it to read thusly:
spun wholecloth from ethers, the ethereal nothing
[n/a] nentwined › <~> 17-Dec-02/11:06 AM Reply
that works. :)
[7] ecargo 17-Dec-02/11:18 AM Reply
Singular "ether" maybe?

Your last line--the change in rhythm--seems to fall flat.

I like the idea of this a lot, just needs some refining, I think.

[n/a] nentwined › ecargo 17-Dec-02/11:30 AM Reply
maybe without the "and" in the last line?

yeah. 'ethers', the more I look at it, fails somehow. maybe 'embers' would work. that ties in lost things, and a touch of fire which I always love... :)
[8] Fetylum 17-Dec-02/5:08 PM Reply
Hm, only thing that makes me twitch is that 'can't'. I think it would have a better ring to it if spelled 'cannot' Otherwise, it's lovely ^_^!
[n/a] nentwined › Fetylum 17-Dec-02/8:07 PM Reply
interesting. the flow of can't -> cannot makes the last line match the others more closely. I hadn't thought of trying that. Thanks. :)
[n/a] New Life Drug 17-Dec-02/5:41 PM Reply
You took my poem idea. That's so lame! I wrote before you though so HA!
[n/a] nentwined › New Life Drug 17-Dec-02/8:07 PM Reply
HA!

erm. which one? :)
[8] whispern_smoke_wisp 9-Mar-05/3:52 PM Reply
i really really like this!
-zarina
[0] conny lingers 2-Feb-21/9:14 AM Reply
pretentious tripe