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a voice poem (Free verse) by richa
The old track in disrepair in the throat of the embankment an old haunt the old signalman walks for miles every day every new gust rattling the tunnel grooves every time the man treading from the track he has me believing that he defies something that the dead man would continue as if nothing had happened that the signalman lives only because he is alert to the wind that should he put aside superstition and not care to step from the track the rattle in the tunnel grooves would do for him.

Up the ladder: freedom for all
Down the ladder: Photograph

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Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Weighted score: 5.476812
Overall Rank: 2826
Posted: January 22, 2007 2:33 PM PST; Last modified: January 22, 2007 2:33 PM PST
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Comments:
[8] Dovina @ 75.82.85.162 | 22-Jan-07/4:31 PM | Reply
I had to read it several times, where a few commas would have helped, and think such beginnings turn away readers, should it be one of the first of yours they read.
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 30-Jan-07/12:33 PM | Reply
'The' happens far too much for me; excellent otherwise.
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