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An Affair with Letters (Acrostic) by MacFrantic A moment
Before she
Came to me,
Delilah, quite
Entirely, was
Found in
Grips of sanity,
Haunted by
Impurities.
Juliet was
Kindly told,
Lately, that her
Mind was bold.
Now her
Overbearing hold
Presses closely;
Quiet, cold.
Rosalina, surely
Spinning from
The Lord's
Untimely sinning,
Veils her
Wares in
Xylose, thinning
Young again; a
Zealot winning
Up the ladder:
The Mandarin
Down the ladder:
Submission
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.4
Posted: July 8, 2006 1:57 PM PDT; Last modified: July 8, 2006 1:57 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.166884 Overall Rank: 5016 Comments:
[6]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
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8-Jul-06/3:30 PM
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Reply
What could you possibly mean by "The Lord's untimely sinning" besides something to rhyme with thinning and winning and starting with W? What point is there here?
[n/a]
MacFrantic @ 71.208.85.242
> Dovina
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8-Jul-06/5:37 PM
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Reply
I could possibly mean what the title plainly says. It's about affairs and "The Lord's untimely sinning" seems to suit an affair. Oh, and "The" does not begin with W. I see no point in your comment.
[6]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
> MacFrantic
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8-Jul-06/5:53 PM
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Reply
"The" clearly begins with a T, my mistake there. But other than a hodgpodge of supposed affairs, arranged around the alphabet. what is the point?
[10]
ALChemy @ 209.23.202.76
> Dovina
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12-Jul-06/9:15 AM
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Reply
I thought he was just acting British and speaking of a Lord of an estate. The other way would just make it a silly distraction.
Decent concept, I can't argue with it. Strong rhythm and rhyme, well constructed. But I'd agree with Dovina...putting 'God' and 'sin' together will always make it seem like you're just out to have a go at Christianity - which ultimately detracts focus from the poem. How about:
Rosalina, surely Spinning from The ferris-wheel operator's Untimely sinning
I'm not a big fan of abecedaria (unless it's an Edward Gorey abecedarium: http://www.wishville.co.uk/gorey/a.htm), but it's a fun exercise. Using "A" for _a_ and "the" for _t_ strikes me as cheating a little! ;) Considering you're writing to a formula, this is pretty unstilted and entertaining. Given Delilah, "The Lord," sinning, and zealots, the reference to Juliet (I'm not sure who rosalina is) seems out of place somehow.
Anyway, pretty good.
Would have made Poe grin.
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