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The cat who would fly (Free verse) by nentwined Tearing the paper of my face,
otherwise so placid--thoughts of a past
that's not yet happened; where my kitten
frolics, just a memory
of this frail thing in front of me;
she coughs and pushes towards me,
threading her claws
through the air; life and death
really are this simple.
Up the ladder:
The Sidekick Retires From Fairview's Finest
Down the ladder:
Remembering Pretty Days
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.8
Posted: August 11, 2005 1:47 PM PDT; Last modified: August 11, 2005 1:47 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.4 Overall Rank: 788 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
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<~> @ 167.206.181.179
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11-Aug-05/1:54 PM
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Reply
placid may not be the right word, k. it diminishes the impact of the rest of the otherwise strong poem.
Line 6 just affects the whole thing. Otherwise its a peach.
I very much like the ending - I think maybe too many small words pull the punch a bit.
Do you mean "off my face"?
"a past that's not yet happened" the cycle, the simple thing. It does seem that simple sometimes.
The best of your recent ones. -9-
MEOW !!! good one...Bethy:)
My first instinct was -ace. then I went and read the other comments. stupid me. I agree with <~>. I disagree with Mona Lisa and Shuush.
like the 3rd and last line the best, nice.
parts too unclear,
i liked the last 3 lines- with paper of my face- don't use a metaphor if you won't develop it or DId you mean Off my face, as Dovina asked-- 542 view(s)
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