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Summing Up (Free verse) by Dovina
In a small apartment box a phantom figure sits awhile pensive in quarrel with the Universe then after a while goes - His scratches left on remembering walls holes where pictures hung depressions left in carpet from his waiting chair Oh, they cleaned away his life as best they could scrubbed his marks washed and even painted But his mail still comes his Playboy, bank statements bills, checks and offers for home equity loans I live with the remains of a man as with another long ago - a man with hopes that turned another way

Up the ladder: Haikus for Nentwined

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.7
Weighted score: 6.35
Overall Rank: 830
Posted: February 18, 2005 9:00 AM PST; Last modified: February 18, 2005 9:00 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] wilco @ 24.165.207.93 | 18-Feb-05/1:05 PM | Reply
One of your best in a while, D. Kind of a sad, haunting feel to it.

Wow, a 0...Don't think I've ever seen you give one of those before...Either I made you really mad or I posted the worst collection of scribblings ever.
[n/a] Dovina @ 12.72.7.70 > wilco | 18-Feb-05/5:04 PM | Reply
They don’t offer minus twenty-five.
[9] wilco @ 24.165.207.93 > Dovina | 18-Feb-05/9:20 PM | Reply
ouch.
[8] deleted user @ 216.135.39.196 | 18-Feb-05/1:38 PM | Reply
Love your stuff Dovina!!!!!!!!Thanks for the vote Baby! And always remember every poem has a world within it!
The Peekster63
[n/a] Dovina @ 12.72.7.70 > deleted user | 18-Feb-05/5:01 PM | Reply
A world in it eh? The small world of a laptop, maybe, surrounded by thin walls of a confining box, a little thinner than gravity and whatever holds me here.
[9] PsydewaysTears @ 69.240.74.35 | 18-Feb-05/2:59 PM | Reply
I don't hate it.... ok maybe I don't hate it a lot. Very good poem. I especially adore the beginning of the second stanza.
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.11.12 | 18-Feb-05/11:04 PM | Reply
Delete the last stanza.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.138 > zodiac | 19-Feb-05/5:17 AM | Reply
Or just alter it a little. The major part suggests he's dead. The minor suggests he went to another woman. Wha'd you get?
[10] jroday @ 204.215.33.89 | 19-Feb-05/3:21 AM | Reply
Love the poem, keep'em coming.
[10] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.218.91 | 20-Feb-05/10:05 PM | Reply
Nicely put.
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