zodiac27 Apr 2004

Since everyone is so all about this poem, I've decided to post a list of things in it that just don't make any goddamn sense, in no particular order except that they irk me.
1) The thing with the spaces before the punctuation.
2) Breezes as they wail is stupid and just for the rhyme. What in god's name are wailing breezes doing in a pastoral, um, pasture, anyway? When, in a fit of boredom, I rewrote this poem to be about pants, I changed dale to dell and wail to smell. I liked it much better.
3) 'Nighttime as they wane' - also just for rhyme and meter.
4) 'daffolds' is not a word.
5) Marigolds wouldn't be 'Sweet with daffolds' anyway.
6) 'gaze of night'
7) The last two lines are a semantic train-wreck. Why didn't you just say "I'm sure I'd lose that too !" Oh, wait, because that would only change the triteness and nonsense level of this poem by .0001 percent.