ggawrysi11 Apr 2004

i like how most of your lines ended with a verb. at the same time, it was difficult and choppy to move from one line to the next mid-sentence with such brick like words. if the language was not as gruff and more melodic it would have flowed much better. the structure took me away from the content, causing me to lose your point. after re-reading it, i did enjoy the poem's notion of reform and losing older ways of life.